


Midnight Musings

by Blizzardshock



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Dark Charles Xavier, Insomnia, Mentioned Murder, Past Medical Abuse, Sort Of, The Problems of Having Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:28:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27972377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blizzardshock/pseuds/Blizzardshock
Summary: Erik finds Charles looking out a window in the middle of the night.Something is obviously wrong.
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr & Charles Xavier
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	Midnight Musings

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: medical abuse in the form of psychiatric "care", unnecessary deaths, Charles talks about killing people like it's no big deal.
> 
> Basically, I take one backstory for poor Xavier and go "Yes, but make it WORSE". Also plays on the comic-cannon fact that Xavier literally just shoves all his trauma and bad thoughts into a telepathic lockbox and doesn't deal with them.
> 
> Takes place in First Class, more or less right after they move into the mansion.

“Charles?”

Erik looked worriedly at the figure by the window. He wouldn’t have even noticed Charles standing there if he hadn’t been looking for him in the first place. Charles was barely breathing, staring out the window into the night. Erik could feel the gentle wisp of telepathy on his brain, not intrusive or curious but definitely there.

“Charles?” he tried again. Something felt wrong.

“Do you know how far I can reach unaided?” Charles whispered.

Erik wasn’t sure if he said it or thought it, which was creepy enough on its own.

“No?” he answered slowly.

“The nearest town, the nearest people, are almost five miles away. I can feel them all. All thinking, all living, all so… there. I shield myself so I don’t have to hear you all, but it is so tiring.”

Charles didn’t move. Erik took a cautious step towards him. He still wasn’t sure if Charles was talking or thinking at him.

“Did you know, when my power first manifested, they put me in an asylum? I was… five? Six years old? I hadn’t even met Raven yet. It was just hearing thoughts at that point, so I could do nothing to stop them. I lasted two years, two years of barely treated minds screaming, of doctors who only ever saw their patients as animals, before I snapped.”

A feeling like ice water ran down Erik’s brain. Not his feelings, although he was feeling fairly horrified. Charles’ shoulders were tensing.

“At that age I could hear the whole asylum. A doctor came by, trying to give me a shot. It wouldn’t have helped, and I was already hurting from the ice bath they’d forced me into. And I…”

Charles stopped. Erik took another step closer.

“Do you know how fragile the human mind is? All it takes is one nudge and suddenly they’re just so much meat. I was seven, and had no idea what my power could do. I did a lot more than nudge. And more than the nurse suffered for it.”

Charles moved. His head turned just enough for Erik to see the barest sliver of his bloodshot eye, blown wide and staring at him. The wisp of telepathy turned into a tenuous connection, allowing Erik to feel just how tired, how dully horrified Charles felt.

“The asylum had held around seventy people, with all the staff and patients accounted for. I staggered out, the only one who might still be considered alive. One telepathic fit, a seven-year-old tired of being hurt and doing to him the equivalent of shoving someone away, and seventy people lost their lives. Not all were physically dead, but all of their minds were gone.”

Erik felt like he was frozen. Charles was telling the truth. He could feel it through the connection. Charles had killed an asylum full of people as a child.

“Control is important, Erik, not rage, not power. I could kill everyone here and in that town as easily as I could turn off a light. What’s impressive is that I don’t, even in my nightmares. That is what I’m trying to teach these kids. No one else should have to learn about the dangers of their powers like I did.”

Charles looked back out the window. Erik swallowed and took a determined step closer, putting him nearly in range to touch Charles.

He almost stumbled when the connection between them cut off, and Charles turned to him, smiling. His pupils were normal, although his eyes were still bloodshot.

“Sorry, Erik, was there something you needed?” he asked, this time definitely with his voice.

That made Erik stop. What?

“Charles?” he asked incredulously.

“Yes?”

Charles tilted his head. There was no sign of the motionless figure that had been there barely even ten seconds ago.

“...nothing, just wondering why you were up,” Erik finally said, stepping away from him.

“Oh, I’ve always been an insomniac,” Charles said with a smile. It then faded slightly, and his gaze began to go through Erik. “A lot happens when you’re asleep.”

For the first time, Erik started to feel creeped out by Charles. Charles refocused on him and his smile returned.

“You should try to get some sleep, Erik.”

“...you too,” Erik replied carefully, before turning to walk back to his bedroom. He wasn’t going to sleep. Not after that.

**Author's Note:**

> This is how you end up with an evil twin consciousness, people. Don't make Onslaughts, deal with your problems and trauma.
> 
> ...It's midnight where I am right now. That's the only excuse I'll give.


End file.
